JohnnyDos Posted February 28, 2017 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.36 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2017 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. ****************************** *********** A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.' ****************************** ************** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ****************************** ******* A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' ****************************** ****** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay. ****************************** A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' ****************************** Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. **************** *************************** BigPapaDean, deerejon, AyaqGuyaq and 12 others 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin007 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 2068 Group: +++ COD5 Head Admin Followers: 69 Topic Count: 1097 Topics Per Day: 0.22 Content Count: 8493 Content Per Day: 1.68 Reputation: 7411 Achievement Points: 75646 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 65 Joined: 12/25/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Yesterday at 03:39 PM Birthday: 05/23/1973 Device: Android Share Posted March 1, 2017 Lmao. Those were good. Thanks Johnny. Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk JohnnyDos 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Magnus_1 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 1410 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 40 Topic Count: 24 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 523 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 451 Achievement Points: 3592 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/12/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: September 28 Birthday: 05/08/1953 Device: Windows Share Posted March 1, 2017 Thanx loads, Johnny ! Very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
AyaqGuyaq Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 3773 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 39 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3138 Content Per Day: 0.71 Reputation: 2983 Achievement Points: 24456 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 10 Joined: 10/06/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 29, 2022 Birthday: 11/03/1966 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Nice post, Jonny, you son-of-a-maraka! Ayaq Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Hunter1948 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 1850 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 98 Topic Count: 328 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 8620 Content Per Day: 1.68 Reputation: 4222 Achievement Points: 55994 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/29/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 06/19/1948 Device: Windows Share Posted March 1, 2017 Good ones Johnny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Nice_Guy Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 23145 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 11 Topic Count: 91 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 175 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 208 Achievement Points: 2089 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/23/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 26, 2018 Birthday: 02/05/1959 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Johnny you have some real winner sir keep 'em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigPapaDean Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 1128 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 78 Topic Count: 1206 Topics Per Day: 0.22 Content Count: 6544 Content Per Day: 1.22 Reputation: 4429 Achievement Points: 63587 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 6 Joined: 02/13/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Tuesday at 11:37 PM Birthday: 10/21/1954 Device: Windows Share Posted March 8, 2017 The jokes may be clean but my mind sure took a couple road trips south of the border! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Janey Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Sunday at 11:02 PM Device: Windows Share Posted March 8, 2017 My favorite clean joke: What color is a burp? . . . . Burple! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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