DEEJAYKEG Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 1238 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 35 Topic Count: 1207 Topics Per Day: 0.23 Content Count: 6083 Content Per Day: 1.17 Reputation: 4984 Achievement Points: 50727 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 11 Joined: 03/12/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 11 Device: Kindle Fire Share Posted April 11, 2013 6 AFFAIRS The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!' The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!' The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. 'My God!' the wife exclaimed. 'Schwartz is dead!' The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it, so I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.' The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir. That'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' The 6th & Best Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.' baldie, JohnnyDos, little_old_man and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Bogleg Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 907 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 96 Topic Count: 126 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2731 Content Per Day: 0.52 Reputation: 3928 Achievement Points: 26177 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 13 Joined: 12/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 19 Birthday: 02/10/1969 Device: Windows Share Posted April 11, 2013 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
TBB Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 274 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18341 Content Per Day: 3.48 Reputation: 20416 Achievement Points: 134384 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 274 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 1 hour ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted April 11, 2013 lmao - good ones - thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
baldie Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 607 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 75 Topic Count: 244 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3348 Content Per Day: 0.63 Reputation: 2645 Achievement Points: 33867 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 10 Joined: 10/21/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 09/16/1966 Device: Windows Share Posted April 11, 2013 Rolf great mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
MrBubbles Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 349 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 821 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 541 Achievement Points: 5195 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/10/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 5, 2017 Birthday: 01/27/1971 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I wonder if number three ever really happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Yaa Posted April 11, 2013 Member ID: 22349 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 766 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 3 Achievement Points: 4612 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/15/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 5, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2013 Good one, keep e'm coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeerGoat Posted April 15, 2013 Member ID: 2923 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 15 Topic Count: 24 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1243 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 294 Achievement Points: 8355 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: 10 hours ago Birthday: 03/20/1976 Device: Windows Share Posted April 15, 2013 All great. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
codemonkey82 Posted April 16, 2013 Member ID: 6770 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 10 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 6 Achievement Points: 78 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/05/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 18, 2013 Birthday: 01/17/1982 Share Posted April 16, 2013 All of them were great but I must say the 4th one just stood out from the rest to me. That awesome!!! -Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jointz Posted April 16, 2013 Member ID: 4476 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 19 Topic Count: 28 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1466 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 4238 Achievement Points: 18186 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 62 Joined: 12/24/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: Tuesday at 06:04 PM Birthday: 03/31/1982 Device: Android Share Posted April 16, 2013 I love the last one because no doubt it will happen to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
LtLaszlo Posted April 16, 2013 Member ID: 151 Group: ++ COD2 Admin Followers: 62 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9166 Content Per Day: 1.70 Reputation: 24351 Achievement Points: 94415 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 317 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Yesterday at 01:05 AM Birthday: 05/17/1959 Device: Kindle Fire Share Posted April 16, 2013 LOL! Good ones DEE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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