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MTNMAN52

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Posts posted by MTNMAN52

    Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted


    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?  Where do they go? 
      
    Wonder no more ! ! ! 

    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. 

    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


     
     
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

    You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

    It's so easy to fool OLD people. 

    I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! 

    Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.

    How I Lost my Teeth

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted

     
     

     
       I was in the Texas Rose Bar last night waiting for a beer, when a
      butt-ugly girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.
      She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.”
     
       I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen.”
      She said, “ I sure do."
     
      I said, “ Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”
     
      My dental surgery is on Monday. 
     

    THIS IS TRUE

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted

     
    EATING IN THE FIFTIES AND EARLY SIXTIES
     
    Pasta had note been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti. 
    Curry was a surname. 
    A take-away was a mathematical problem. 
    Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere. 
    Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. 
    All chips were plain. 
    Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.
    A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
    Brown bread was something only poor people ate. 
    Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking. 
    Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. 
    Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. 
    Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.
    None of us had ever heard of yogurt. 
    Healthy food consisted of anything edible.     
    Cooking outside was called camping. 
    Seaweed was not a recognized food. 
    'Kebab' was not even a word, never mind a food.
    Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as 
    being white gold. 
    Prunes were medicinal.
    Surprisingly muesli was readily available. It was 
    called cattle feed.     
    Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one. 

    Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and 
    charging more than     gasoline for it they would have become a laughing 
    stock.     
    The one thing that we never ever had on/at our table in the 
    fifties...was elbows or hats! 
     

     

    New Security

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted

     
     
     

     

    I've disconnected my home alarm system and unregistered from the Neighborhood Watch.
     
    I've got a Pakistani flag raised in one corner of the front yard and Yemen flag at the other corner as well as the black flag of ISIS in the center.
     
    The local police, OPP, RCMP, CSIS, Homeland Security and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. 
     
    I've never felt more safe and I'm saving $49.95 a month.

     

    A Couple Blond Jokes

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted

    549af9f229485_ABlond.jpg

     

     
    A WHITE GUY IS WALKING ALONG A BEACH WHEN HE COMES ACROSS A LAMP PARTIALLY
    BURIED IN THE SAND.
     
    HE PICKS UP THE LAMP AND GIVES IT A RUB.
     
    TWO BLONDE GENIES APPEAR, AND THEY TELL HIM HE HAS BEEN GRANTED THREE
    WISHES.
     
    THE GUY MAKES HIS THREE WISHES AND THE BLONDE GENIES DISAPPEAR.
     
    THE NEXT THING THE GUY KNOWS, HE'S IN A BEDROOM, IN A GOLF-COURSE MANSION ,
    SURROUNDED BY 50 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN..
     
    AFTER HE MAKES LOVE TO ALL OF THEM, HE BEGINS TO EXPLORE THIS FABULOUS
    HOUSE..
     
    SUDDENLY HE FEELS SOMETHING SOFT UNDER HIS FEET, HE LOOKS DOWN AND THE
    FLOOR IS COVERED IN $100 BILLS.
     
    THEN, THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
     
    HE ANSWERS IT AND STANDING THERE ARE TWO PERSONS DRESSED IN KU KLUX KLAN
    OUTFITS. THEY DRAG HIM OUTSIDE TO THE NEAREST TREE, THROW A ROPE OVER A
    LIMB AND HANG HIM BY THE NECK UNTIL HE'S DEAD.
     
    AS THE KLANSMEN ARE WALKING AWAY, THEY REMOVE THEIR HOODS. IT'S THE TWO
    BLONDE GENIES.
     
    ONE BLONDE GENIE SAYS TO THE OTHER ONE, 'I CAN UNDERSTAND THE FIRST WISH
    HAVING ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN A BIG MANSION TO MAKE LOVE TO.
     
    I CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND HIM WANTING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.
     
    BUT WHY HE WANTED TO BE HUNG LIKE A BLACK GUY IS BEYOND ME.'
     

     

    Best Beer Commercial Ever

    in Jokes and Misc stuff

    Posted

    Well Done Guinness!! This is a great commercial and message.

     


     

     

     

     

    Usually beer commercials are full of goofy characters and funny 
    gags, but this one carries an important message. Guinness "Empty Chair" 
    salutes the character of a community as they honor one of their own who is 
    out of sight, but not out of mind. They remind us that a true test of 
    character is what you do when no one's looking.

     

     

     

     

     

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/rx0MRawkrj4

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