JohnnyDos Posted April 24, 2015 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2015 A Nun Grading Papers CAN YOU IMAGINE A NUN (or any teacher for that matter) SITTING AT THEIR DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN THEIR COMPOSURE! PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD , WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS . 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS . 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLEOF GERITOL. 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. Blackbart, baldie and Labob 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBB Posted April 24, 2015 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 265 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18130 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20147 Achievement Points: 132864 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 13 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted April 24, 2015 Sounds like something Joe C. wrote, keeping in mind he didn't learn how to write till last week!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Sammy Posted April 24, 2015 Member ID: 3036 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 31 Topic Count: 219 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 9419 Content Per Day: 2.08 Reputation: 7515 Achievement Points: 62539 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 21 Joined: 11/29/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 30, 2023 Birthday: 04/26/2008 Device: Windows Share Posted April 24, 2015 I call shenanigans. Children are not that clever. Especially #4 and #25. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
White_Dragon Posted May 5, 2015 Member ID: 20018 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 27 Topic Count: 47 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 184 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 244 Achievement Points: 1870 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/08/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 9, 2023 Birthday: 07/01/1952 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think I knew some of those Kids LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
24oz Posted May 6, 2015 Member ID: 22459 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 34 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1153 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 1208 Achievement Points: 8340 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 10 Joined: 03/16/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: 54 minutes ago Birthday: 05/18/1969 Device: Windows Share Posted May 6, 2015 The 12 Decibels LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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