JohnnyDos Posted February 28, 2017 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Posted February 28, 2017 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. ****************************** *********** A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.' ****************************** ************** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ****************************** ******* A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' ****************************** ****** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay. ****************************** A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' ****************************** Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. **************** *************************** ldoz, STARPICKET, Merlin007 and 12 others 15
Merlin007 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 2068 Group: +++ COD5 Head Admin Followers: 71 Topic Count: 1127 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 8583 Content Per Day: 1.64 Reputation: 7547 Achievement Points: 76572 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 67 Joined: 12/25/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 3 hours ago Birthday: 05/23/1973 Device: Windows Posted March 1, 2017 Lmao. Those were good. Thanks Johnny. Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk JohnnyDos 1 Awards
Magnus_1 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 1410 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 43 Topic Count: 25 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 525 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 476 Achievement Points: 3640 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/12/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 20 Birthday: 05/08/1953 Device: Windows Posted March 1, 2017 Thanx loads, Johnny ! Very funny. Awards
AyaqGuyaq Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 3773 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 39 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3138 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 2983 Achievement Points: 24456 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 10 Joined: 10/06/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 29, 2022 Birthday: 11/03/1966 Posted March 1, 2017 Nice post, Jonny, you son-of-a-maraka! Ayaq Awards
Hunter1948 Posted March 1, 2017 Member ID: 1850 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 98 Topic Count: 328 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 8620 Content Per Day: 1.62 Reputation: 4222 Achievement Points: 55994 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/29/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 06/19/1948 Posted March 1, 2017 Good ones Johnny. Awards
Nice_Guy Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 23145 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 11 Topic Count: 91 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 175 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 208 Achievement Points: 2089 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/23/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 26, 2018 Birthday: 02/05/1959 Posted March 8, 2017 Johnny you have some real winner sir keep 'em coming
BigPapaDean Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 1128 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 78 Topic Count: 1210 Topics Per Day: 0.22 Content Count: 6553 Content Per Day: 1.18 Reputation: 4430 Achievement Points: 63653 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 6 Joined: 02/13/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 18 Birthday: 10/21/1954 Device: Windows Posted March 8, 2017 The jokes may be clean but my mind sure took a couple road trips south of the border! lol Awards
Janey Posted March 8, 2017 Member ID: 434 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 13 Device: iPhone Posted March 8, 2017 My favorite clean joke: What color is a burp? . . . . Burple! Awards
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