Leaderboard

Two Irish mothers, Kate and Maureen, were bragging about their sons. Kate says, “Me Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke, and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over two years.” Maureen responds, “Right, me Danny is a saint himself. Not only hasn’t he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t touched a drop of liquor in all that time.” “My word,” says Kate. “You must be proud.” “I am,” replies Maureen. “And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.” Murphy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test with a local accountancy company. The tester took Murphy to a small office, where he sat him down and started to ask him some questions. “If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “No, listen carefully. If I give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?” Murphy replied, “SIX.” “Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?” Murphy replied, “SEVEN.” “How on Earth do you figure that you’d have seven rabbits?” “Well,” replied Murphy, "I’ve already got one rabbit at home!” Paddy and Murphy drive to the lumberyard. Paddy walks in the office and says, “We need some four by twos.” The clerk asks, “You mean two by fours, don’t you?” Paddy said, “Just a minute, I’ll go check.” After consulting with Murphy he returns. “Right, I meant two by fours.” The clerk then asks, “How long do you need them?” “We will need them for a long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

Hey all, Just wanted to introduce myself and extend a big thanks to the XI admins and community. I'm 40 years old and live in Northern California, who knew! If I need to flee the state some day do I change my gamer name? Time will tell... I've been playing Battlefield (started w/1942) and Call of Duty (Modern Warfare) for years and in recent times have spent most my gaming hours playing CoD World at War capture the flag and over the last year or so on XI's World at War freeze tag server. In a day when people are so "well-connected," that many feel even more isolated, the freeze tag server is bucking the trend. With familiar voices on each evening the servers culture is welcoming, friendly and fun. Years ago I hopped on and couldn't figure out how to play and moved on. I wish I had given it a lil more time to figure it out then. The maps changing weekly adds spice to life and keeps me on my toes. Thanks again and hope to see you in the trenches! NorCal_Jared

The first type is : positive type : she will go OH yeah!! oh yeaH!! 2nd type is the negative one: she will go Oh no !! oh no!!! 3rd type is the gourmet one: she will go is soo good mmm is so good!!! 4th type is the religious one : she will go Oh my god!!! oh my god!!! last type is the fake one: she will go Oh Rob oh Rob !!!! this was freely translated from french.

I had a girlfriend who every time she had an orgasm punched me in the face I was ok with that Until I found out she was faking them

Magic Penis. A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!' The husband said, 'The what'? The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!' The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis door!' The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box. The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch.. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.' The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right.... Magic Penis, my ass...!' The rest, as they say, is history...

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space. "Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!" Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick." An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?" The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both." The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys. The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

Welcome to The Forums NorCal and see ya in Freeztag Cod5.

Welcome to the forums, always fun having you in the cod5 ftag server. You are a very good player, hard to find lol! See you in game soon!

"Magic penis my eye!" Ouch,

Thanks Lazy! Always good competition!

Hi Jared , good to see you here. Enjoy playing with you in cod 5 ft

IT'S A FREAKING JOKE LOL? you fckrs, spoil it why don't you

Sooooooooooooooo sorry - to hear that - good think she didn't kick you in the nuts instead

ROFL that explain everything lol

Welcome Jared on the forums !! see you in trenches soon.

Sammy ? are you absolutely 100% sure you are cut out to be an idiot?, they love base instincts (and the rest)

Welcome to the forums Jared! Nice intro. You are more fun when you are on my side! lol

Happy Birthday Morris! We have not seen you in awhile on COD 5. I hope things are going well.

Welcome to the forums enjoy

Happy Birthday!

There is a reason why, long ago, schools would not accept wiki as source material or citations in research papers or essays. For awhile various reporters and writers did when making on their reports. Until they also got nailed by the lies and false entries in wiki. Wiki is a good idea in theory. However such things depend on the the idea of human intelligence, reflection, discussion, rationality, and all the rest. However humans are stupid. Selfish. Unintelligent. Ruled by their passions and demands. Easily manipulated. Will believe and promote anything that appeals to their base instincts. And are fully enamored by their self-righteousness. You might get one in a hundred that overcomes this. But thats it. And no matter what they do, it all amounts to nothing. So occasionally they say to hell with you other 99 while sooner or later you will destroy yourselves. Then we all get to pick up the pieces and try again, unsuccessfully. And thus the world turns.

Happy Birthday have a great day

Maj, why do you even look at Wiki for anything anymore? The founder himself said his site has been hijacked by radicals that show no tolerance for anything that they disagree with. It's become a propaganda voice, nothing more. Certainly not a site I would use for fact checking.

A few of us have pre-ordered the game

Tis true Sammy, however I rarely see far left quoted in any dialogue, in fact I wonder if anyone understands what each one is any more. I watched a Youtube video the other day on Russia by a supposedly eminent USA professor, in it he quotes several times of the Nazi regime in Russia and their 'far right' leanings. This is bullshit, Russia is one of the worlds top Communist states, the antithesis of Fascism, correctly he should have said far left, but it was clear he thought what he said was true. The sad thing is that the current lot are no different to the ones they supposedly despise, yet neither side think themselves wrong. I stand in the sidelines, an observer of events and I very clearly see a big swing to the right in the Western world, your current President will ensure that in the USA. That most liberal of countries Sweden have amazingly just voted in a right wing Government, including a hard line right wing party that is incidentally the 2nd most supported in the country. This is happening throughout Europe, fed up with the weakness of politicians, Germany has had the biggest wake up call of them all, I'm watching closely and expect big trouble. Nothing new in history, it has all happened before, the difference nowadays is will it happen again?, let us hope so, these are dangerous times.

Happy Birthday

Welcome sir! I've gamed with you in the past, and you are a top competitor! See you in game.

Welcome to the forums, always some good competition in the world at war freezetag.. catch ya in game man.

Welcome .. will be shooting you soon …

I think so looks like a dry prune the size of softball hint hint nudge nudge eh. With what seems to be lots of curly Grey colored sting all about it . Just hangs there between the legs like an old poop that will not let go. Wife says I should get it looked at. That's why I go to the beach in my speedo.

They were from Toronto not Ireland but the family tree says their descendants left Ireland during the potato famine! Not sure if that counts lol

Happy Birthday folks!

Give'em tags - >XI<

Poor bio, but thank you skuzzzzz

Thank you Skuzy !

Thanks Skuz! Sorry to make you work on Sunday.

Thank You Skuz!

Those trips to the STD clinic worked then?, glad to hear it buddy, Essssieeee will be pleased. What do you give to the man that has everything ? - penicillin.

I heard back from Crunch today and he's doing good ! He's waiting to get to own internet back and, in the meantime, he says hi to all of you and that he should get back on soon.

Lol, I was just going to email you Rose cause I figured if anyone knew anything about krunch iy was you. I tried personally emailing him thru the website and so has Jointz but no response. I really hope he is alright, I know he has a lot of problems and I worry for him. He really is a good person. Please let me know if you hear from him . thanks Rose.

Using custom configs other than (a couple FPS and packet tweaks that make the game run a bit smoother especially if you have a mediocre internet connection) on our servers is generally frowned apon. It gives an unfair advantage. Using a custom config Promod Config that alters game textures beyond the stock (Low, Normal, High, Extra) will get you banned. If you are running around pwning everyone and constantly emptying the servers you may be removed. It's part of the admins job to keep the server population up and the Drama to a minimum. Most people play with stock settings or just a couple of the following.This is all I use as well. Game never drops below 250FPS. Draw your Lagometer on screen: /cg_drawlagometer 1 /cg_fov 80 /com_maxfps 250 (FPS)* Do not set it to 333. That is not allowed. /snaps 40 These 2 maxpacket tweaks help a bit with lag spikes and lowers your ping by 10-15. /cl_maxpackets 100 /cl_packetdup 2 /rate 25000 /r_multigpu 1 (FPS) /cl_mouseaccel 0 (MOUSE)

Thank you everyone for your warm welcome back. The people in this clan are helpful, funny and out to have a good time And it is great to be back

Fresh idiots!!! Welcome

https://www.theblaze.com/news/dhs-will-spend-nearly-700000-to-investigate-radicalization-in-gaming My tax dollars are going to what?????

Possibly ironic after @Barron just posted the "downfall of CoD" video but... I was wondering if anyone would be playing the new MWII beta this weekend or the game when it's released? Thought it might be fun to shoot some of ya in a more modern game too!...

@RobMc I’ve got that T shirt! Lack of use, no willing participant lololol!

Mines magic too, it's disappeared !

I have nothing against COD as I said already, it was just a video that popped up on YouTube that I thought some people would be interested in I logged onto steam last night and I seen several people on my friends list have already purchased the new MW2, there has been people in TS playing the previous new COD's within XI on TS for sometime, so there will be interest in the game no doubt its just we cant host servers for it that's all. Same goes for nearly all newer FPS games now, dev's like to control their own servers, its just a growing trend