RETIRE WHERE?

[JohnnyDos]

RETIRE WHERE?



You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...


1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??



OR


You can retire to California where...


1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.



OR


You can retire to New York City where...


1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn (if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...


1. You only have four spices -- salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.



OR


You can retire to the Deep South where...


1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's Important to know the difference, too.



OR


You can retire to Colorado where...


1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the assisted living center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


OR



You can retire to the Midwest where...



1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was Different!"


OR


FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...


1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[TBB]

lmao

[Mule]

Nice!

[noob]

midwest safest

[Sweatnbullets]

I would consider venice Lousiana, some of the best fishing in the gulf, or ft myers.florida. but the rest of the year should be in South Dakota, no taxes, and Safe friendly folks who work for a living and little crime.. 

[TheLastColdBeer]

Things are a little up in the air @ the moment, but if tragedy does strike, you'll find me on a gaff-rigged schooner anchored off the coast of Key West. And I won't give a rat's f*ck about anything in the world going on. Only if there's enough ice in the galley and whether my dory is still tied off to the stern. Might care a little about the color of the sunset, but not much more.  

[Bosun]

you'll find me on a gaff-rigged schooner

 

Yeah I'll be on the gaff ketch sailing past you with a beer in one hand and Mrs Bosun in the other

[TheLastColdBeer]

Yeah I'll be on the gaff ketch sailing past you with a beer in one hand and Mrs Bosun in the other

Good luck to you both Bosun, I'm just scared to death that Mrs Beer won't be with me. Typing this from UW Madison Hospital. Life throws you so many curve balls. (ketch, yawl, schooner, it won't matter to me, I just like a mizzen & main to hang lots of kites from, and a broad deck to wander  )

[Spartacus]

I should work on one for New England....

[Damage_inc-]

Good luck to you both Bosun, I'm just scared to death that Mrs Beer won't be with me. Typing this from UW Madison Hospital. Life throws you so many curve balls. (ketch, yawl, schooner, it won't matter to me, I just like a mizzen & main to hang lots of kites from, and a broad deck to wander  )

we wish her the best .hang in there m8