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Thinking About Life


TBB

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Since it was such a crappy day I sat in my recliner and started
 thinking about life and came to realize that:

  As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is
  impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

  Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was
  shot by the woman's husband.

  Lance Armstrong…
  I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what
  he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my fucking
  bike.

  Drive By….
  Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't
  take my TV, just the remote.  Now they drive by and change the channels.
  The Sick bastards!!!

  The Agony of Aging…
   On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended
  I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy
  covering his penis with black shoe polish. I
  said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -
  You're supposed to turn your clock back”.

  Video Scam….
  Just got scammed out of $25.  Bought Tiger
  Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns
  out it's all about golf.  Absolute waste of  money! Pass
  this on so others don't get scammed.

  Pregnant Prostitute…
  Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
  "Hey dumb ass, she replied, if you ate a can of  beans would you know which one
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So when are you going professional at the comedy clubs. Pretty good material!

 

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34 minutes ago, lTplkey336 said:

So when are you going professional at the comedy clubs. Pretty good material!

 

I thought >XI< was a comedy club  8P

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18 hours ago, TBB said:

 

Since it was such a crappy day I sat in my recliner and started
 thinking about life and came to realize that:

  As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is
  impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

  Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was
  shot by the woman's husband.

  Lance Armstrong…
  I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what
  he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my fucking
  bike.

  Drive By….
  Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't
  take my TV, just the remote.  Now they drive by and change the channels.
  The Sick bastards!!!

  The Agony of Aging…
   On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended
  I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy
  covering his penis with black shoe polish. I
  said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -
  You're supposed to turn your clock back”.

  Video Scam….
  Just got scammed out of $25.  Bought Tiger
  Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns
  out it's all about golf.  Absolute waste of  money! Pass
  this on so others don't get scammed.

  Pregnant Prostitute…
  Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
  "Hey dumb ass, she replied, if you ate a can of  beans would you know which one......

you forgot to put: makes you fart!!! (after one)

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13 hours ago, TBB said:

I thought >XI< was a comedy club  8P

No is a freak show 

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Very funny post.

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My favorite... Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was
  shot by the woman's husband.

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Sitting in a recliner. lol, reminded me of Jim Stafford's show in Branson. He said after the show he was going to play mechanic, had to put a rear end in a recliner.

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18 hours ago, lTplkey336 said:

So when are you going professional at the comedy clubs. Pretty good material!

 

 thought TBB on writers strike, keeping a sharp pencil for when he goes back to work. 

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20 minutes ago, TBB said:

Welcome to the club  8P

I like to think I'm in the top 10 XI freaks 🙂 

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The writers union shall hear of this!

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