Honest Opinion From People Who Have Been Suicidal Before

[noob]

no i'm not sucidal these events happen in the last 1-3 years of my life,

do you think this story would help people?

 

 

 

1st time i was suicidal

I was in new place, and started the school year without knowing anyone my Junior year of high school. I never really talked to anyone

much except 1 kid in my physics class, mainly slept in school 3+ asthama attacks a day everyday for a year, I was depressed and had

thoughts about ending my life during the school year, because i felt like a financial burden to my family.

when my mom broke her arm I just felt guilty and helpless because I couldn't help around the house like I used to my asthama was to bad, and she would get angry everytime I had an asthama attack.

It went on like this for a month, i felt alone, and like i was a bad person, and then after talking to my best friend 2 nights on the phone in a row,

I finally told my mom how I felt and I planned to use a toxic gas I could make with chemicals in the house.

I got instituionalized.

2nd time I was suicidal was after 5 months of watching my girlfriend at the time suffer, she told me I saved her life 3 times while we were dating

and I gave everything in me trying to save her, and be there for her all the time when she needed me, she was also very abusive after

the first month after which it was like I was giving her $100 a day, and she gave me a quarter a day, and I spent and average of 2 hours a day listening to her problems,

and how she wanted to kill herself, I know what your probably thinking I should have told someone, I told my counsuler, I told my parents, I told her friends,

I didn't tell her parents becuase she told me that during the summer she told her mom 1 time how she felt sucidal and her mom laughed at her.

she would make fun of me, or belittle me whenever I talked about my feelings on anything most of the time, and kept telling me she kill herself without me, and each day that went by not being able to help the pain, it hurt me inside more and more, I also felt like a trapped animal

but then a miracle happened she got hospitalized, and I told her parents about her being molested when she was 7 while she will still hosptialized which I don't think she ever forgave me for,

at the point I had very low self esteem, and I had not been able to sleep at night for more then a hour or two, and I had been feeling more depressed each day for about a month,

because she just got really on the edge after reading this book called "girl interrupted", she tried to kill herself 1 time in april, before read that book she was sucidal, but she hadn't attempted it since we started dating,

she tried to kill herself by overdose on aspirin, and she got very needy, that month she called me 3-4 times while she was having a panic attack,

and was telling me she wanted to get a knife and kill herself, I tried to comfort her, and told her I loved her, and talk to her about 10minutes to 2 hours

telling her I would hold her tomorrow on the bus, and at school as long as she wanted, because she had told me at some point I was the only thing in her life that made her pain go away,

each day I wondered if I would see her the next day.the day she got back from the hospital we got into a arguement on the phone, the next day we broke up offically, and she told me to go fucking kill myself,

and also told me that day if her being a bitch to me was what it would take to make me stop caring about her she would be the meanest bitch she could be,

and she kept true to her word, and she was really cold hearted and mean,and blame me for causing her to feel sucidal, and told me it was my fault,

she told me she hated me, and that it was all my fault, and some of her friends on fb, told me that I was a horrible person, and that I had ruined her life.

One of her best friends told me to the face she hated me, and that why my ex was sucidal was all my fault because I didn't

let my ex talk to her friends (this was the friend who would slap my ex in the face every time my talked about being sucidal).

the reason i'm describing what happen is i can't put in to words how much pain I felt, and how guilty I felt.

I got saved by someone, i'm not going to say how becuase I don't want to trigger suicide in people

[noob]

aftermath later, she told me that I had helped her later, and that I wasn't the one who caued her to be sucidal

[simplemod]

Personally, I don't know about the story, but the fact that you pulled through it may be the more helpful thing in the situation.

I've been there myself, many years ago. Nearly 15 years ago, from the time I was 15 to 18. The school counselor called me to her office, she had seen the signs in me.

A few doctor visits later, I was on pills for depression. My depression lasted about 3 years, with a number of situations that I won't detail here in the open. I will however credit my wife for being my saving spirit. Most will know her as Mercy.

I also will offer to talk to you or anyone needing to talk. PM me or hit me up on Xfire anytime.

[noob]

ok thank you

[Labob]

Here's the deal life's a bitch deal with it. Pull in what ever ya got drop your nose down and walk forward. Its a long run folks you want out early don't come knocking at forgiveness's door. Suck it up lifes not a gift it did not come to you because you were blessed from above. If you think killing your self will prove a point your wrong it will only hurt somebody and they will end up hating you for it. If somebody comes to you for help well help them but you can not spend the rest of your life doing that. So sad as it is I refer to the first thing I said life a bitch deal with it. I've been here 2 times and now my answer is quite straight forward they killed them self sorry to here that and its there lost not mine. GOT NO TIME FOR QUITERS sounds real bad I know I've been here a few times. As we get older we tend to see more life and sadly more stuipedity too and yra some big sadness too.

[noob]

i don't want to kill my self, this happen about 1 1/2 -1 year I want to help other people who are depressed,

 

2nd time for 5 months listen to someone elses pain, and just watched her suffer and only 2 of her best friends even tried to help, my ex was molested when she was 7 for a very long time, in the restraunt that her family owned at the time, depression can also be caused my chemical imbalanced, and a mix of factors? If there is one thing about depression is that most people with depression are lonely, or have a chemical imbalance in there brain and are suffering silently because they don't feel anyone cares, and my ex didn't die she is alive, all you have to do is put someone before yourself to help them, or just listen, and out of the two watching someone be sucidal, and suffer like that knowing what it is like, I got molested too, I know what your trying to say you'll cause pain to those that you love, best way to help people with depression is compassion because most of the time they feel that noone cares about them, or that they are a burden to people, and that it is best to be open minded in this world to everyone and everything. I want to help people with it, even if I only save someone other then my ex it is worth it to me.

Edited April 28, 2012 by ruso44thenoob

[noob]

I'm moving, haven't been able to get a job and I'm out of school right now so i have a month of free time and I don't have to pack professinonals are going to come in and do that part, I'm using this time to learn about different programming and other interests, I wanna make 1 thing to help people who are sucidal, I haven't use my potential much in about 4 years,

I figure why not take me 1-2 days and it could help people, so i'm going to ^^

Edited April 28, 2012 by ruso44thenoob

[Harleyfreak]

Things aren't always easy, man. Sometimes life will kick you in the dirt, and it will make you feel so miserable and weak, like you want to give up, altogether. Sometimes, you have to go through hard ordeals to actually get to the better thing's in life. You're a good person for trying your hardest to listen to all her problems, and try to help her. But, it nearly always seems like it's easier to listen to another person, than to have that person listen to you. You don't always run into a situation like that, but once you do, it's a tough thing to deal with. It's good to be optimistic about lots of things, but sometimes it's not.. that's kind of my problem, really. I try to be optimistic about nearly everything, but anyway.. I went through something like that, mostly just the suicidal thinking, really. I'm not gonna go into any real detail's about it, though. Point is, people seem to think that when things get rough, and the road gets bumpy.. they need to give up, instead of toughing it out, or finding another road to take. They tend to deal with their problems by running away, or finding solitude in harming themselves and doing damage to not only their own well-being, but to those who care about them aswell. That is not the best way to deal with things.. There are reasons for everything, and giving up without looking between the lines isn't what will solve your problems. Push through it, tough it out, and move on. It may not be easy, but it's the better option. =)

[noob]

that was from december, 8, 2010 till 2011 april 28, and she is probably going to end up in sucidal ward again because she never told her parent's or the people at the hosptial and dnied it, and I called her in june 2011 just asked about it, and she started screaming, the hardest part was facing the fact that you can't save everyone all the time, those 5 months changed my life, and changed me as a person in the aftermath it made me a lot stronger, and I thought about it afterwards and felt stupid for valuing her bestfriends who didn't help, the ones that did didn't hate me, and I have a whole life ahead of me of things to do, and experience, and that 1 expereicne taught me an assload of life lessons, and next time something like that happens record it, and cal 911 for them

[loaderXI]

Its sad that sometimes things seem so bad that killing ones self seems like it will be easier.....We all have our own demons and it is through the bad times that our greatness comes from...Everyone hurts sometimes its not just as song its real life...Anyone ever needing help should have a hand extended out to them and yes odds are the one with extended hand becomes blessed as well....For those still hurting what u need to do is look at all those around u and look at the hurt u may burden them with....There is always someone with more on there plate that keeps getting right back up and running right here close to us so look around and find ur strength as said already here there are many here that are willing to talk/chat listen and help...I am one of them feel free to contact me

 

 

 

P.S

God will never give you more then you can handle

only enough to make you stronger

[F4irydust]

hi i agree it is a difficult thing to see happen to people around you depression and suicide is never easy or any fun.

i have been at that point in life where you want to do nothing except end your own life but i can say with plenty of counseling and supervision i pulled through i suffered excessive depression for 8 years now i get depressive attacks that i am able to recognize early enough and begin the cycle of healing before it gets to bad. i hope all the people out there who feel suicidal get help as fast as they can and hopefully their lives will be spared.

[noob]

I'm at terms with my demon that I'm not sucidal, but the pain isn't going away, I don't know if it well, I have gotten nightmares, but I do know that I'm a lot stronger, the pain can be there, but I don't feel like hurting myself, or killing myself like I used too

[noob]

and when iposted this topic it was a year from the date she got hospitialized

[The Flush]

Hey ruso, glad to hear things are getting better for you...

 

I've never thought about ending everything as I realize that everyone goes through hard times but I also strongly believe that we are never given more than we can handle. In a 6 year period, I went through the premature birth of my daughter (3 months early, 2 pounds at birth and was given a 50/50 chance to live for the first three weeks of her life), my first dog dying, my grandpa dying on my 30th birthday, divorce, lost my job, started my own company while struggling financially for several years. FINALLY, I reached the end of that stretch and life became a blessing! The key is to perservere and know that you have many people that love you and care about you no matter what you are going through!!!

 

There are always things in life that make you question WHY or WHY ME. My daughter was in the hospital for 3 months after she was born until I could take her home. WHY did everyone else get healthy kids and I didn't? WHY did they all get to bring their kids home after a few days and I didn't. Looking back, I realize the answer now...BECAUSE I COULD HANDLE IT! It made me a stronger person and a better father. I see people sending their kids off to watch tv or play games for hours on end without spending any time with them personally and it makes me feel sorry for them. They take their kids for granted and don't know what a true gift they have...my tough time with Lauren being in the hospital and almost not living helped me appreciate her so much more! I also treasure my wife more than she will ever know. After being in a terrible relationship and getting a divorce due to her infidelity, I had a hard time trusting women for quite a long time. As I learned that not every woman was like my ex-wife, I also learned to open my heart up again and that is when I met Sarah. I was a goner from the first time I saw her and within 8 months proposed. Life has never been better.

 

I will tell you that at my lowest point, I went to see a therapist because I just simply felt as though I would never make it out of the hole I was in. I wasn't ever diagnosed with depression but it was very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The thing to remember is that you are VERY young and haven't even gotten to live your life yet. School is a terrible time for many kids and socially, kids can be very mean because there aren't any punishments given out any longer. Bullies get away with teasing you, kids are mean just to be "cool" to other kids and the "unpopular" kids like many of us probably were have a very difficult time through high school. I hated high school and hated most of the kids in my class...then I went to college and had the best 4 years ever. Turned a new leaf, decided that I was going to make friends and just enjoy the experience and things were great!

 

Life will ALWAYS hit you when you don't expect it, the key is to ALWAYS get back up and hit back. Again, you have people that love and care about you and always remember that you are important to them. Congrats on starting a new chapter of your life and know that the pain of your past will go away as you move forward...remember that if you look forward, anything can happen but you can never change what happened behind you!!!

 

Good luck bud,

Flushy

[unionjackk]

Ive been there years ago sure lifes hard, tough and unfair But then you never know what can happen tommorrow. I came to the relisation that as bleak as things seem at this particular point in my life things could just get better tommorow.. I no longer worry about things i used to and live every day for what it is another day. I mean i could live to be 100 or I could die tommorrow u just never know so take each day as it comes. remember jobs money even friends come and go but familly thats forever thats whats important evrything else is just stuff. besides if I had given in to feeling suicidal years ago i would never have met my wife and have the family i have now.

just gotta kep pluging away and good things will come your way

cheers mate

Edited May 1, 2012 by unionjackk

[Jud1]

I have a million+ things to write about this ..... but I guess THIS sums it up (for me)

 

[fearless]

what ever dont kill you make's you stronger i myself had a bad run last your i put a hose in my car to my exhaust pipe lucky for me someone found me after being in a nut house for 4 month it gave me time to evaluate my life i concider myself luck ive a second chance to try again

[noob]

https://www.youtube....44?feature=mhee

^ youtube channel

I'm making youtube videos to help other people ^^

I'm torn between two job fields inventor and consuler

Edited May 11, 2012 by ruso44thenoob

[Damage_inc-]

you need help and this is not the place.Get some help from your family and counselors.Your gonna get too many old schoolers that may too harsh and then the ones that like to talk about all your problems and theirs and not really helping the focus on you.Talk to your parents and your counselor.This should not be open for discussion here .This is the web.

[noob]

I don't need help, I was seriously asking if this would help people I've gotten consuling since this happened, this was written from memory, I have a very good memory and ability to recall the emotions I feel in thing that i felt were important, a lot of teenagers who are depressed nowaday feel alone, and that they are the only one, making videos other people can relate to will make them not feel that they are alone and they may open up to someone, and I don't want people making the same mistake of trying to help someone else at the cost of my needs also making the videos made me experience some of the emotions I Felt before, but i don't feel like killing or hurting myself that is how I know I'm healed, I've have experience a lot of physical, and verbal abuse, and some emotional, and a little bit of sexual abuse which i'm using to make videos about past memories, the old schoolers can be as harsh as they want

Edited May 11, 2012 by ruso44thenoob

[PingLo]

I don't need help, I was seriously asking if this would help people I've gotten consuling since this happened, this was written from memory, I have a very good memory and ability to recall the emotions I feel in thing that i felt were important, a lot of teenagers who are depressed nowaday feel alone, and that they are the only one, making videos other people can relate to will make them not feel that they are alone and they may open up to someone, and I don't want people making the same mistake of trying to help someone else at the cost of my needs also making the videos made me experience some of the emotions I Felt before, but i don't feel like killing or hurting myself that is how I know I'm healed, I've have experience a lot of physical, and verbal abuse, and some emotional, and a little bit of sexual abuse which i'm using to make videos about past memories, the old schoolers can be as harsh as they want

 

I'll be honest and say that if you don't consult with folks you are an ID10T, just do it, there are multiple folks that have felt exactly as you have and will be free with their feelings about it.

[noob]

I have, I had consuling and services through the play that got my hospitalized for about 1 1/2 year afterwards and I have talked with my parents, I got a lot of help afterwards, my friends and family helped me through I'm greatful for both the experiences they both taught me a lot of life lessons that I wouldn't have learn otherwise, and they made me a stronger person, I want to help people I got the time right now to make the videos so why not , I like making there videos I'm learning how to make them, I've gotten a lot better since my 1st , what I wrote was what I remember happening and what I remember feeling at the time I have a very good memory, I was kinda of nervous making the videos at first because I was worried about making ones that made people feel worse about themselves

Edited May 11, 2012 by ruso44thenoob

[noob]

lol wow I fail play was suppose to be place lol

[Mercy]

Have you ever heard of the site TWLOHA.com (It means To write love on her arm) It is a site specially made for people to go and talk to others that have depression, addiction, or other battles they are facing. You should go take a look at it and maybe you can help people from there. There are a lot of teens on there and also older people.

[noob]

Have you ever heard of the site TWLOHA.com (It means To write love on her arm) It is a site specially made for people to go and talk to others that have depression, addiction, or other battles they are facing. You should go take a look at it and maybe you can help people from there. There are a lot of teens on there and also older people.

thank you