JohnnyDos Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Posted October 20, 2016 Now remember this is a joke,read the last sentence. A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:-----------------------1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').------------------------2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'-------------------3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.-----------------4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.----------------------5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.----------------------6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.--------------------7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.-------------------8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.-------------------9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.---------------------10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.---------------------11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).---------------------12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.--------------------13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.-----------------14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).---------------15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)! L!ckALotAPus, iboomboom, AyeAyeRon and 6 others 9
deerejon Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 842 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 62 Topic Count: 278 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3715 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 3153 Achievement Points: 28472 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 4 Joined: 12/06/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Friday at 12:48 PM Birthday: 05/04/1965 Device: Windows Posted October 20, 2016 Couldn't be worse than we got now eh' mates? JohnnyDos, Sonovabich, baldie and 1 other 4 Awards
TheLastColdBeer Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 489 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 553 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 4745 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 6058 Achievement Points: 42053 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 18 Joined: 09/22/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 23, 2024 Birthday: 01/09/1963 Device: Android Posted October 20, 2016 We're a lot better at the beer thingy now. Microbrews everywhere, and you can't swing a cat without knocking over an IPA. All our "domestic" breweries are owned by corporations based in Belgium. Other than that, are you sure The Crown would want this pile of shite back? I bet they miss Hong Kong more. TBB, baldie, Sonovabich and 1 other 4 Awards
Spartacus Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 1387 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 30 Topic Count: 52 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2540 Content Per Day: 0.46 Reputation: 2486 Achievement Points: 19555 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 13 Birthday: 06/05/1968 Device: Windows Posted October 20, 2016 Come to where I live.... New England has turned into Old England once again already!!!!! Sonovabich 1 Awards
Blackbart Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 51 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 51 Topic Count: 342 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 5974 Content Per Day: 1.04 Reputation: 3766 Achievement Points: 45818 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 27, 2021 Birthday: 06/26/1949 Posted October 20, 2016 Instead of implementing immediately make it retro active to the 4th of July...That way we could still celebrate it . It could be called Re-acquisition Day...We dearly love our three day summer holiday... TheLastColdBeer, Sonovabich, reddog955i and 1 other 4 Awards
TBB Posted October 20, 2016 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20588 Content Per Day: 3.67 Reputation: 22611 Achievement Points: 148583 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 398 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Posted October 20, 2016 Solution to the problem - everybody move back across the Pond - leave all the politicians behind JohnnyDos, Sonovabich, Blackbart and 1 other 4 Awards
Bosun Posted October 21, 2016 Member ID: 1445 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 14 Topic Count: 31 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 737 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 1387 Achievement Points: 5675 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/25/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 3 hours ago Birthday: 01/23/1963 Device: Windows Posted October 21, 2016 Yeah but what about #13? Awards
TheLastColdBeer Posted October 21, 2016 Member ID: 489 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 553 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 4745 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 6058 Achievement Points: 42053 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 18 Joined: 09/22/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 23, 2024 Birthday: 01/09/1963 Device: Android Posted October 21, 2016 Solution to the problem - everybody move back across the Pond - leave all the politicians behind Everyone except attorneys. That's why we left in the first place. Leave them to die in their own tumors. Afterwards, we could bulldoze the rotting corpses and re-colonize. Blackbart and TBB 2 Awards
TBB Posted October 21, 2016 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20588 Content Per Day: 3.67 Reputation: 22611 Achievement Points: 148583 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 398 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 8 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Posted October 21, 2016 Everyone except attorneys. That's why we left in the first place. Leave them to die in their own tumors. Afterwards, we could bulldoze the rotting corpses and re-colonize. And bury them with the Drug Companies (throw in @@BUDMAN for good measure) Sonovabich 1 Awards
Sonovabich Posted October 22, 2016 Member ID: 82 Group: ** Registered Users Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1535 Topics Per Day: 0.27 Content Count: 5022 Content Per Day: 0.88 Reputation: 5198 Achievement Points: 131537 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 116 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: May 8 Device: Windows Posted October 22, 2016 Not sure that we are a shining example to anyone, who would want to be ruled by Londonistan anyway?
iboomboom Posted October 23, 2016 Member ID: 20343 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 90 Topic Count: 205 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3407 Content Per Day: 0.80 Reputation: 3084 Achievement Points: 30326 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 10/11/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: Wednesday at 07:19 PM Birthday: 07/01/1983 Device: Macintosh Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) Fuck the queen. Edited October 23, 2016 by iboomboom Awards
Icequeen Posted October 23, 2016 Member ID: 9264 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 90 Topic Count: 96 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 6202 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 8200 Achievement Points: 52542 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 60 Joined: 05/13/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: Yesterday at 03:23 AM Birthday: 07/13/1981 Device: Android Posted October 23, 2016 Fuck the queen. Fuck you! @@iboomboom iboomboom and L!ckALotAPus 2 Awards
AyeAyeRon Posted October 23, 2016 Member ID: 1371 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 18 Topic Count: 348 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 1906 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 585 Achievement Points: 14042 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/26/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 2, 2018 Birthday: 03/01/1990 Posted October 23, 2016 I dont get it....The USA hasnt had "tea" since 1776 Awards
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