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JohnnyDos

A Few Jokes

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SCOTTISH WEDDING

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...

"Would all married men please stand next to the one

person who has made your life worth living.”

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

 

SEX

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore .....

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was

shot by the woman’s husband

 

New Book

A man goes into Chaptersbookstoreand asks the young lady assistant,

"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?”

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet.”

"That's the one; I'll take a copy.."

 

Poor Lance Armstrong -

 

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,

especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike!

 

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week.

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels.

Sick Bastard!!

 

Scam

Just got scammed out of $25.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes”.

Turns out it's about golf.

Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

 

So True

Before sex, you help each other get naked.After sex, you only dress yourself.

The Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed.

 

Pregnant Prostitute

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?”

"For god sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?”

 

EASYJET

 

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.

The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?”

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. "

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Then write them yourself.Not much else to read.I put them under one post and didn't spam it like all the happy birthdays.I don't tell everyone that I am sick or ask for prayers,do they work anyways?I've been here forever and I still party and play and visit the website daily and also donate every month since I've been in this clan.So if I can't post I might as well stop visiting.

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Yea seems to be a campaign by people who never post slanging off those that do, FU assholes, I notice a few 'regulars' haven't posted for ages, so much for a friendly clan? keep the posts and jokes coming, the majority are behind you. The alternatives as Johnny says are that no one posts and the forum dies, your choice but I feel like a spam now!

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2 hours ago, JohnnyDos said:

Then write them yourself.Not much else to read.I put them under one post and didn't spam it like all the happy birthdays.I don't tell everyone that I am sick or ask for prayers,do they work anyways?I've been here forever and I still party and play and visit the website daily and also donate every month since I've been in this clan.So if I can't post I might as well stop visiting.

Wtf.. Its a fking JOKE brother (Not copy and paste, original ) ... Why so touchy bud..You know how I am...

P.s..Lmao..

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2 hours ago, RobMc said:

Yea seems to be a campaign by people who never post slanging off those that do, FU assholes, I notice a few 'regulars' haven't posted for ages, so much for a friendly clan? keep the posts and jokes coming, the majority are behind you. The alternatives as Johnny says are that no one posts and the forum dies, your choice but I feel like a spam now!

I don't pot much anymore because there are so many new members that I simply don't know. I am not complaining but for me to feel comfortable I need some sort of connection with most.

 

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54 minutes ago, BigPapaDean said:

I don't pot much anymore because there are so many new members that I simply don't know. I am not complaining but for me to feel comfortable I need some sort of connection with most.

 

That is quite understandable, but if we never talk to each other (i.e. post) we'll never be friends in the truest sense. For example, we've never met, but through the forum I know that you are one of the oldest most respected members good with a knife etc etc I think of you as a friend. I' m a recent member, a gobshite (Irish) but like to chat, tell jokes and swap stories with all of you from all over the world, isn't that the point?

I wish more would join in the community spirit, I realise that for some English is not the main language, and some jokes etc are missed, but that is also understood.

If we start slanging members off for posting, whatever the reason, then they will not post, this is a pity and not healthy. So come on don't fight, if you don't like it ignore it but don't stop the fun, FFS Chile do you expect all jokes and content to be original??  

Edited by RobMc

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1 hour ago, RobMc said:

That is quite understandable, but if we never talk to each other (i.e. post) we'll never be friends in the truest sense. For example, we've never met, but through the forum I know that you are one of the oldest most respected members good with a knife etc etc I think of you as a friend. I' m a recent member, a gobshite (Irish) but like to chat, tell jokes and swap stories with all of you from all over the world, isn't that the point?

I wish more would join in the community spirit, I realise that for some English is not the main language, and some jokes etc are missed, but that is also understood.

If we start slanging members off for posting, whatever the reason, then they will not post, this is a pity and not healthy. So come on don't fight, if you don't like it ignore it but don't stop the fun, FFS Chile do you expect all jokes and content to be original??  

Dictionary
 
 
sar·casm
ˈsärˌkazəm/
noun
 
  1. the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
    "his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment"
    synonyms: derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing; More

    Copied and pasted Wanka..

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6 hours ago, JohnnyDos said:

Then write them yourself.Not much else to read.I put them under one post and didn't spam it like all the happy birthdays.I don't tell everyone that I am sick or ask for prayers,do they work anyways?I've been here forever and I still party and play and visit the website daily and also donate every month since I've been in this clan.So if I can't post I might as well stop visiting.

Party on Johnny I guess what Chilly said worked cause I haven't seen any of SOB posts after that.

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17 hours ago, JohnnyDos said:

Then write them yourself.Not much else to read.I put them under one post and didn't spam it like all the happy birthdays.I don't tell everyone that I am sick or ask for prayers,do they work anyways?I've been here forever and I still party and play and visit the website daily and also donate every month since I've been in this clan.So if I can't post I might as well stop visiting.

You got over 7000 posts man where the fuck is your post whore medal??? LOL

I get what you are saying there dude!!! Post a non political picture of the US Pres and some jerk takes offense and it ends up in the politics section. Post a pic of the Canadian PM and us Canadians laugh at it. Some peeps just do not have a sense of humor. Fuck them!!! I finally got to use the block all on that asshole hahahahhahahha

Edited by Angelz

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