Important announcement from Rob

[RobMc]

I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry (sob), so so sorry to all my readers in the forums, I never ever realised that joking in the forums and fooling around brought so much pain, I'm truly sorry. I'm just a sad sad clown, fooling around laughing telling jokes fornicating not realising all that time that I was hated - please fucking forgive me (and the other assholes I fool around with, yes you TBB).

Last night the Messiah showed me the true path to happiness, from this date at the end of every week I'll issue a chart showing my progress so far, I would have done it in powerpoint, but apparently you're not bright enough to understand things like that. I'm so dumb I thought the market was where you bought vegetables, what do I know? I thought stocks were where they pelted you with rocks and shares part of a plough? stupid, stupid, stupid

I have produced a graph showing my braincell count before and after drinking, don't feel sorry for me, both of them count. (You should see Budmans), I nearly inserted a smiley face - forgive me.

This is (yet another) new Rob, sober, serious, and downright dull, the joke forum is a thing of the past, my new path takes me to a greater place, where I will Excel (apparently you're not bright enough to get that) (omit another childish smiley)

 

Sad Rob

LIKE FUCK

[Labob]

Knock Knock!.

Who’s there?

Excel.

Excel who?.

Excel-lent Excel Jokes!

 

Excel Puns

Puns are PIVOTal to this post.

And I excel at them.

Sorry.

1. What do Microsoft Excel users put in their hair?

SUMPRODUCT()

2. What do you call someone aroused by filling in the top line of an Excel spreadsheet?

A header row sexual.

3. It’d be suite to call your kids “Word” and “Excel.”

4. I really excel at Microsoft puns.

Take my word for it.

5. I’ve recently not been getting along with Excel

We don’t have the same values.

6. I couldn’t figure out how to use the average feature on Excel

Now all my data is meaningless.

7.

8. A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.

I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.

9. Next year I’ll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights…

It’s going to be Excel Lent

10. What shirt size does Bill Gates wear?

Excel.

11. I’ve been typing numbers into Excel all day.

My fingers have gone NUM.

[TBB]

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!  How many fucking times do I have to tell you?????   Stop looking in the mirror and you'll stop hallucinating!!!   Bloody Limey!! 

[X-RayXI]

I love our Code of Conduct.

 

 

 

[RobMc]

9 minutes ago, X-RayXI said:

I love our Code of Conduct.

 

 

 

What's up Ray????? I've not transgressed anything? (smiley face replaced by a graph)

Edited July 26, 2022 by RobMc
typo

[X-RayXI]

2 minutes ago, RobMc said:

What's up Ray????? I've not transgressed anything? (smiley face replaced by a graph)

Hahaha, did I say that you do?
I just love our freedom that we have here and we know our limits.

[RobMc]

1 minute ago, X-RayXI said:

Hahaha, did I say that you do?
I just love our freedom that we have here and we know our limits.

I absolutely agree my friend, indeed XI forums are the last bastion of free speech, love you all.

[X-RayXI]

13 minutes ago, RobMc said:

I absolutely agree my friend, indeed XI forums are the last bastion of free speech, love you all.

How the fuck is your post count so low? 
(oh no, mass spam incoming)

[RobMc]

1 minute ago, X-RayXI said:

How the fuck is your post count so low? 
(oh no, mass spam incoming)

I'm a quiet unassuming kind of bloke (smiley replaced by forecast graph)

[X-RayXI]

2 minutes ago, RobMc said:

I'm a quiet unassuming kind of bloke (smiley replaced by forecast graph)

That's right, I forgot

 

- Send From >XI< Android Phone

[Snap]

Oh Joy! 

[Snap]

Cant talk got a beat in my headphones.

[TheLastColdBeer]

2 hours ago, RobMc said:

I'm a quiet unassuming kind of bloke (smiley replaced by forecast graph)

 

[Bosun]

I'm only posting this because I have a really low post count.

[Totty]

1 hour ago, Bosun said:

I'm only posting this because I have a really low post count.

I feel your pain :puppydogface:

Chin up

[TBB]

IN disguise

 

 

 

 

[PimpedOutPete]

Drama Queen!

[RobMc]

6 hours ago, TheLastColdBeer said:

 

Dear LCB,

                Thank you for your interest, I have run this through a special programme on my Atari ST, supplied by Professor A. Hole and you may be surprised to know it comes up with the answer :- FU.

                Thank you for your interest and please continue your economic strategy of downing as much alcohol as you can in your lifetime.

( Bar chart in place of smiley)

[TheLastColdBeer]

Pleasure doing business. Think I'll take your advice & warm up the frydaddy. Nice batch of battered bluegill, some onion rings, & mushrooms sound good. Finish off with rhubarb pie made w/butter & brown sugar.  Wash it down with a black porter. 

I don't take life seriously either. Never known anyone to get out alive, so piss on the PC righteous. 

[RobMc]

UPDATE

As my new buddy seems to get excited about markets, shares and bonds etc it dawned on me that today Friday it was market day at a local town. Filled with foreboding I kicked the scooter into overdrive (8 mph – beam me up spotty), and in only an hour or two arrived full of trepidation and inquisitiveness. What was I getting into here I wondered, however my buddy seemed to know all about markets, I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about?, he makes a living in them, he’s not an idiot?

The square was packed, both with stalls and people, ah ha! these must be the traders I thought so approaching the first one I stared at him, and he stared back. He doesn’t look very rich I thought, as the rain ran off his nose (I think it was rain), his Ferrari must be in for a service as in the background was a battered Ford transit. ‘Can I help you?’ he growled over the top of his onions. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘do you make a living trading in the markets’ I asked? There was a silence, during which he looked like one of his beetroots, ‘Why the fuck do you think I’m standing here in the pissing rain’ he replied (these traders weren’t eloquent as I’d learnt from my new buddy). ‘Oh good’ I replied could you answer some questions?. ‘Listen if it’s artichokes from Egypt flown in this morning on an Albatross you’re after, try Marks and Spencers, I sell farm produce’.

A light went on in my head, ah? Farm produce eh? Do you sell shares?, ‘no’ he replied, but I sell shallots. Puzzled I went on to question two, ‘What about bonds’?, he looked at me smiled and winked, ‘ah! You want Mary Jayne on the leather stall’, I filed that for later, this wasn’t going how I’d expected. ‘My buddy in the USA says there’s going to be a crash in the market’, I said. ‘How the fuck is that ?’ he replied, ‘the police and council have shut off the roads into the square’. By now I was getting desperate – ‘what about short trading’ I asked, ‘Oh they went bankrupt after covid’ he replied.

The world I knew was not making sense, not a graph or chart to be seen, only chickens, veg and vape stalls, this was not a world of glamour, no the wonder my buddy is grumpy. To cap it all he handed me a cauliflower ‘Here have this free, now fuck off and leave me to earn a living’.

 

Wonder where he keeps his Lear jet?

[WeednFeed]

Ah Rob, Love you man! Not in a GAY way .................Not that there's anything wrong with that(snowflake) just not my gate! 

Never change Rob Cheers

Weed

[RobMc]

6 minutes ago, WeednFeed said:

Ah Rob, Love you man! Not in a GAY way .................Not that there's anything wrong with that(snowflake) just not my gate! 

Never change Rob Cheers

Weed

Don't worry I'll never change my friend, how did the Moose hunt go?, haven't seen anything

[WeednFeed]

20 hours ago, RobMc said:

Don't worry I'll never change my friend, how did the Moose hunt go?, haven't seen anything

The weather was too hot! I saw 2 for 2 seconds. Couldn't get my gun up! Viagra wouldn't of helped! When we get skunked we say we had a great time enjoying being out doors with nature. Sadly I didn't bring any nature home to eat.

Edited July 30, 2022 by WeednFeed

[TBB]

Here's what really happened

[RobMc]

Explains the 2 minutes while he removed his pants, perhaps it was the Moose that was 'hot ?'

( Bar chart from Budman )