Janey Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Posted June 26, 2013 An Apology for my depression depressing others. If me talking about being depressed has bothered you or made you sad, I am truly sorry. I would never want anyone else to feel this way. Y'all are the only people I talk openly with about my depression, and lately it has gotten a lot worse. If i have effected you in a negative way, I'm honestly sorry. Just let me know and I won't be so open about it. Xalandra 1 Awards
bobbarker Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 689 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 69 Topic Count: 100 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2030 Content Per Day: 0.35 Reputation: 1533 Achievement Points: 13317 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 11/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 8 Birthday: 07/22/1965 Device: iPhone Posted June 26, 2013 your fine janey, this is where we come to vent and try to un_depress Cpt.TennealXI, Angel and Mummmbl3s 3 Awards
codpiece Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 5470 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 373 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 2509 Content Per Day: 0.55 Reputation: 3609 Achievement Points: 23134 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 8 Joined: 02/04/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: 18 minutes ago Birthday: 09/17/1968 Device: Windows Posted June 26, 2013 You're an idiot! I'm an idiot. We are all idiots. This is where we come to be idiots! So - continue being an idiot! If it makes you feel better to chat - then chat away. You chat and Roxy! sings. Wildthing goes nuts, er I mean he's an extreme motivator. We all have our thing. I'm not sure what bobbarker's thing is. Have you seen his profile pic? Now that boy gots some issues. My point is: IT'S ALL GOOD SISTER Angel and RANDALL 2 Awards
Janey Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Author Posted June 26, 2013 actually, I've been singing to myself a lot, always have, and my finger is so used to pressing the talk button that I've been singing in game. I'm sorry if this annoys y'all, too. Awards
JohnnyDos Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 77 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 111 Topic Count: 1018 Topics Per Day: 0.18 Content Count: 7527 Content Per Day: 1.30 Reputation: 9175 Achievement Points: 69486 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 47 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 8, 2020 Posted June 26, 2013 I have to tell you guys this again and show my mug:There's only one cure I tell ya and this is it, believe me I have about 40 plus years experience on this,look I'm all smiles. Leadfinger, Angel, CobraBites and 9 others 12
Damage_inc- Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 2048 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 294 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 6689 Content Per Day: 1.26 Reputation: 4709 Achievement Points: 48999 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 12/15/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 05/30/1967 Posted June 26, 2013 we love to have ya here Janey..Life is rough these days ..hang in there .write down some goals and post it where you can see it everyday.ive been goin thru tuff times too.drinking alot the past year and it helped nothing - I I stopped that and now im back to focusing on my health again.vigorous excercise , alot of sex and alot of laughing do alot to get rid of the stress ,also looking forward and not back.there are people out there that have it much worse then we do.so try to keep positive. LandShark, Leadfinger, Angel and 2 others 5 Awards
Janey Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Author Posted June 26, 2013 beyond my hand being injured and being unable to work;beyond being homeless and sleeping on my son's sofa until he moves in December (and I have no where to go then); beyond being dumped a few years ago after 13yrs together which I thought would last forever; beyond being alone and chronically untouched; beyond my brother dying and my sister losing her mind to dementia; now my daughter had estranged herself from me. she's been distant since Katrina when she went to stay with her Aunt (who is extremely rich), but since Christmas she hasn't spoken to me, accepted my calls and won't tell me why she has abandoned me. there is more going on, but that's a lot already. It's gotten to the point where I don't even leave this apartment except to shop for groceries. The only people I talk to on a regular basis is y'all. I can't tell my family, although a few months ago I was a bit suicidal and did talk to my son who helped me through it. My support system is XI and my cat, Oscar. I don't check out because he needs to be fed and we have tourneys coming up. I was really looking forward to going to xi fest and meeting y'all, but my car has a busted radiator and I have to come up with $170 for the repair so I can't even drive there. Guess that's why I want y'all to do xi fest here so much... so I can meet y'all. I do try to look forward to even the smallest things. But here I go, rambling and crying again. @@Damage_inc- don't worry, I don't drink unless I'm out with friends, which is rare. Yeah, I do sometimes take more pain pills than I actually need, but that's not that often either.. just mostly in game so I can play and have fun. Anyways, I'm sorry that I'm a "Debbie downer". Try not to be, just am lately. If I get quiet in game, that's why. If I sing in game it means I'm ok right then. my heart has always been on my sleeve, and my sadness shows like my slip hanging down. Awards
Angel Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 46 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 103 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4326 Content Per Day: 0.75 Reputation: 2974 Achievement Points: 34860 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 12 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: September 29, 2024 Device: Windows Posted June 26, 2013 We r here for you Janey. Hell Ive been through alot since my brother was shot Dec 15, 2012 @11:01(yes, that date and time is forever imprinted in my mind) and I found here is the best place to ask for prayers or to vent to someone. I have a friend who I have never met other than gaming and we freakin hated each other to start with but I know now, if I ever need anything, shes there--but she seems to always say the right words, Giggles--luv ya sis. And for being here, I couldnt have gotten through alot without my other sis, Cspears! But just know, u are for sure not alone. sabreeyes, google, BigPapaDean and 1 other 4
LandShark Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 698 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 27 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1147 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 786 Achievement Points: 7253 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/06/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: Thursday at 07:22 PM Device: iPhone Posted June 26, 2013 I sure hope your injury gets healed and I know things will look up for you soon. Each of us has struggled at times and life takes some hard turns, but those turns lead to brighter days and awesome destinations. I won't bore you with my story, but be sure that as tough as things can be at times, they can and will get better! Someone showed me these words a long time ago, and I have never forgotten them: Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. Wishing you a bright today and a truly awesome tomorrow. Fins Up!! Joe Canadian, Damage_inc- and Janey 3 Awards
Chris Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 1357 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 68 Topic Count: 183 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2376 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 1860 Achievement Points: 17370 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 6 Joined: 04/21/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 3 hours ago Birthday: 09/11/1972 Device: Windows Posted June 26, 2013 Janey, you come in here and vent all you want. Everybody here cares about you and we're just glad you feel comfortable enough with your "family" to let it out. sabreeyes 1 Awards
BurnnBright Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 22339 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 17 Topic Count: 168 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 1722 Content Per Day: 0.45 Reputation: 685 Achievement Points: 13018 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 7 Joined: 01/13/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: 17 hours ago Birthday: 03/20/1972 Device: Windows Posted June 26, 2013 Bless your heart, Janey. I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. I really hope things turn around for you soon. In the meantime, you do what you need to do to get better. Focus on yourself for a while and don't worry about anyone else. <hugs> BigPapaDean, Angel and sabreeyes 3 Awards
kswift420 Posted June 26, 2013 Member ID: 1071 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 22 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 879 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 261 Achievement Points: 5414 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 5, 2017 Birthday: 12/29/1974 Posted June 26, 2013 I have to tell you guys this again and show my mug:There's only one cure I tell ya and this is it, believe me I have about 40 plus years experience on this,look I'm all smiles. SMOKE WEED IT WORKS FOR ME!!! BigPapaDean 1
Janey Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Author Posted June 27, 2013 I sure hope your injury gets healed and I know things will look up for you soon. Each of us has struggled at times and life takes some hard turns, but those turns lead to brighter days and awesome destinations. I won't bore you with my story, but be sure that as tough as things can be at times, they can and will get better! Someone showed me these words a long time ago, and I have never forgotten them: Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny. Wishing you a bright today and a truly awesome tomorrow. Fins Up!! I have always loved that quote. @@LandShark. Thanks for reminding me of it. It's my thoughts that are my demons right now. When I counsel others I suggest they do positive affirmations. I'm trying that, even though it feels foolish and like a lie... but who am I to ignore my own advice. Awards
RANDALL Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 2582 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 28 Topic Count: 149 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 778 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 599 Achievement Points: 6919 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 06/11/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 18, 2021 Birthday: 07/22/1991 Posted June 27, 2013 Be strong Janey! I went through a deep depression for six months before where everything seemed grey but with patience, faith, and some meds I was able to push through the hardest time of my life. Give your cat a hug everyday. I will pray for you! Janey 1
Janey Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Author Posted June 27, 2013 (edited) @@RANDALL I've been on Celexa for a couple of years now. helps some. Also take Xanax for panic attacks (which suck), Estradiol as hormonal replacement (lost ovaries to cancer so I don't produce estrogen naturally anymore), Fiorcet for migraines (which also suck and make me puke), and lortab 10 for pain in both left hand and nerve damage in my back (epidural slipped in my back when I had my son years ago. felt birth on left side but not right... it was very weird). My meds cost about $200 total per month including the Tylenol pm. I tried ambien but it made my sleep-walking/sleep-talking much worse. Kept waking up in my car. If I don't take a sleep aid my dreams are so vivid that my kids and anyone who is around when I sleep, say that I scream "no, stop! Don't hurt me!" almost all night. When my son's girlfriend's kids came over a few weeks back I was asleep on one side of the living room while they watched tv on the other. They said I scared them to death... poor kids. Told them to always wake me up when they are here. Edited June 27, 2013 by Janey Awards
Janey Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 434 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 58 Topic Count: 272 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 1289 Content Per Day: 0.22 Reputation: 1448 Achievement Points: 12930 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/17/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 24 Device: iPhone Author Posted June 27, 2013 Thanks for being supportive and talking to me about all this. I am trying to better my life, but yeah, sometimes the depression is so overwhelming that even I'm surprised I haven't checked out yet. But I don't think of myself as a victim or a survivor... I just adapt to whatever happens. But I'm tired of this situation. All I really want in life is to be safe. To have a little place of my own where I can be safe. To have a job that pays enough to support my little life so I feel safe. I don't need anything fancy (except shoes...lol). I haven't felt safe since I was a little kid, I don't even remember what it's like. But yeah, that's my dream, my quest, my fantasy... to have a safe little life. This is where I am sleeping now. My computer is on the kitchen table and my clothes are in the boxes or hanging up above my washer/dryer. I've replaced the two blue saris with another green sheet. Awards
BigPapaDean Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 1128 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 78 Topic Count: 1217 Topics Per Day: 0.22 Content Count: 6581 Content Per Day: 1.17 Reputation: 4445 Achievement Points: 63856 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 6 Joined: 02/13/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Tuesday at 09:33 PM Birthday: 10/21/1954 Device: Windows Posted June 27, 2013 Janey as I sat here reading this thread I was moved by the the feeling you are reaching out to the clan. I for one knows what that means and how it feels. I live in a state of permanent depression and even on the best of days and times it's a struggle to keep the smile Johnny is talking about. I am way to sensitive but when I am having an issue with anxiety I can't seem to be able to control the urge to protect myself. I know the feeling of feeling rejected by my family as you are experiencing now. I was on the street for almost a year-and-a-half. I was blessed to find some wonderful friends who stepped up and helped me get through it. Last year my grand-baby turned one and because of the misunderstanding I was not included at her party, but this year I will be there come hell or high water. I am now in my own place and doing as fine as I can reasonably expect and yes I still have my issues but now am on my feet regardless and am happy. The reason I have told you this is my brother who went through the same thing told me, "You will feel it will never end, but THIS TOO SHALL PASS." Janey remember today is not tomorrow and will never be so don't borrow from tomorrows misery as today has enough of its own. If you ever need an ear to listen I am always on TS somewhere there! Janey and Joe Canadian 2 Awards
CobraBites Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 2313 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 330 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 4924 Content Per Day: 0.94 Reputation: 3034 Achievement Points: 33897 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 4 Joined: 03/19/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 2, 2017 Birthday: 05/26/1974 Posted June 27, 2013 I have to tell you guys this again and show my mug:There's only one cure I tell ya and this is it, believe me I have about 40 plus years experience on this,look I'm all smiles. lol johnny i tell u when i met u at xi fest ...didnt know much bout b4 then...as i play mostly cod4 ...only seen ur posts on the forums...i have to say u were a blast to hang out with and u made me and queencobras day....sure hope u will be at xi fest this year...cant wait to hang out with u again... Damage_inc- and JohnnyDos 2
CobraBites Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 2313 Group: Fallen Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 330 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 4924 Content Per Day: 0.94 Reputation: 3034 Achievement Points: 33897 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 4 Joined: 03/19/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 2, 2017 Birthday: 05/26/1974 Posted June 27, 2013 (edited) Be strong Janey! I went through a deep depression for six months before where everything seemed grey but with patience, faith, and some meds I was able to push through the hardest time of my life. Give your cat a hug everyday. I will pray for you! not many ppl here at xi knows what i have gone thru in my time...i had at one point loss everything i owned 3 different times in my life...i even had to stay at homeless shelters and all of that ...thru tough times and workn hard to get thru them...everytime things looked up for me and good things started to happen for me ..i would lose everything all over again...i thought i just wanted to go some where and just curl up somewhere and just wish for death ...even now im goin thru struggles nothing ever good seems to happen for me..but yet i keep pushing thru life thru depression and try to work things out..i dont even get to take meds for it...and that dont include my health issues that causes me very strong horrible chronic pain that doctors where i live wont give me treatment for..some days i wake up thinkn oh i have to live one more day? why? i really dont want to...life shouldnt be like this but unfortunately it is...right now me typing this my hands throbbing in great pain...wish someone would just cut them off...but yet when im in game or talkn with fellow xi members....it seems to lift my spirits...that why sometimes i tend to get cranky in game its mostly due to untreated chronic pain...why sometimes lately i dont play much ...i dont want to be that cranky asshole in game ...sometimes its hard for me to control it....that why i really enjoy playing with certain players on game....ie. pitbulpete...unchileno ...dukoo..and wildthing...yes i said it ...wildthing!! lol he gets me laughing in game when i tend to be on cranky side then i enjoy playing more.....there is just soooo many names to say i enjoy that make me laugh and have good time in game..this is why i love xi sooooo much...everyone tries to make u feel like family and that i belong here...anyways sorry to ramble but it felt good to say all this...i have no one here to really talk to bout this...so just wanted u to know janey ur not the only one ....i know how u feel.....im just glad xi gave me a shot at being a member...i enjoying my time here...and dont want it to never end...also thank xi ppl for allowing me to be an admin as well...this makes me feel like i truly belong and gives me something to do and something to live for...2nd to my wife and kids being first reason btw...XI rocks...XI 4ever... maybe should be getting paid for being one you know... damit couldnt find the wink smiley...lol..anyways wink .wink...lmao..j/k btw lol i love do this!!! always been some sorta boss at my jobs...been fast food manager for serveral years...i miss it!!...i love being loud and in charge lmao...although i dont think im as loud as @@wildthing lol...or am i? lol Edited June 27, 2013 by CobraBites Damage_inc- and Janey 2
google Posted June 27, 2013 Member ID: 1270 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 149 Topic Count: 330 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 3864 Content Per Day: 0.69 Reputation: 4548 Achievement Points: 34207 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 12 Joined: 03/22/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Wednesday at 12:28 PM Birthday: 04/12/1969 Device: Windows Posted June 27, 2013 hope dies last..with God before....You can write what you want here. I understand that (for using Google Translate)..but on team chat hmmm...I'm afraid I can only understand a few words..)) ..so.....HOPE DIES LAST..!!You're a smart girl... Janey 1 Awards
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