Story of my life

[Thunder]

Life it seems to fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

 

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly loss this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now, he's gone

 

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

 

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye
Goodbye

[Icequeen]

Whats going on?

[RobMc]

Keats would have been proud, good prose, but remember there is ALWAYS something worth living for, love playing with you and sincerely hope this is not how you feel buddy, if it is pm me and I'll cheer you up

[J3st3r]

None of that Makes sense to me unless ya don't have the balls and are looking to take the cowards way out. No one ever said that life was easy. Suck it up buttercup.

 

Trust me, you don't have it NEARLY as bad as some people do. Live life 1 day at a time and try to make the best of it while it lasts. Life is to short. And above all try to smile more and have fun doing what you do. Never let ignorent people bring you down with there BS. Ignore them because they will reap what they sew eventually and pay more attention to the people that you enjoy being around. 

 

If all else fails go watch midget porn. lol  

[TheDrimpXI]

when I was 14 I lost both parents, and from that moment on I was all alone, in and out of the orphanage. eventually ended up on the street became addicted and several suicide attempts. have been in prison and gambled multiple partners. I have taught myself that today is today and tomorrow is a new day, so friend when it rains, hails or snows, the sun will automatically shine again. keep your head straight and smoke a joint or something to empty your head. be positive man life is beautiful when you make something of it greets drimpy

[Kitsune]

Hang in there Thunder, we're all here for you.

Please know that you are loved, you are cherished and you are worth much more than you think you are. ❤

[Thunder]

Lost a brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Lost his oldest son to suicide 2 weeks ago. Sometimes when you are so beaten down and broken, you have to know when to quit trying to get back up and just stay down.

[Snap]

Calling occupants of interplanetary craft. Bet you smiling now.

[TheDrimpXI]

7 hours ago, Thunder said:

Lost a brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Lost his oldest son to suicide 2 weeks ago. Sometimes when you are so beaten down and broken, you have to know when to quit trying to get back up and just stay down.

o shit man for real, please stay focust man, this is fucked up bud. please keep your head up. don't go there. life is a battle man with the up and down. take care butt don't give up on it no matter what bro.......good luck!!!

 

[Thunder]

For the doubters    https://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/local/cities/buford/deceased-man-found-at-buford-house-fire-died-of-self/article_cc4fd1b3-8440-5656-9f02-6fc68616fbbc.html 

@crimson

Edited September 4, 2020 by Thunder

[FUNky]

I love “Fade to Black“  Thanks @Thunder you reminded me to download it. 
 

Seriously though Buddy, hang in there. You can get through this depression. I can’t possibly understand the tragic loss that you have experienced but you aren’t in this alone. Seek someone out, there are grief groups where you can find someone that can relate to what you are feeling.

[J3st3r]

@Thunder I'm sending you a PM please read it buddy. 

 

It contains some very sensitive info that I don't care to share to everyone. Asking for help is always a sign that you do not want to go through with it, Left unanswered though? We're a bunch of idiots and some of us have been through more shit than you can possibly imagine. And we use those experiences to better ourselves and everyone around us.   

[Giggles]

Thunder if you need an ear well as much as we don't get along most often I will always put that to the side to keep a person here and alive .I've done it here before for one of our old standing members spent many a long nights  days , weeks  months with this person just to keep them alive . If you need anything feel free to PM me. The person I am speaking of is still very much alive and standing here with us today ask him if you want or need help .  @BigPapaDean My friend  PLEASE reach out to him , He's like you when I found u at your lowest point.

[Giggles]

P.S.  If your at your lowest point and I have a STRONG feeling you are . What do you have to lose at this point by reaching out and taking a hand? Now ask yourself what do I have to gain bye it ?? Only you can make that chose !!!!!!!

[Kitsune]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through, I'm sure your brother and nephew were wonderful people.

 

We're family here Thunder, we're all here for you and we're all here to listen to you. Please reach out to someone you trust, a clan member, a relative, a doctor. Just please reach out because there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[BigPapaDean]

My friend, there will always be struggles and there will always be bad times. This is how we measure ourselves for what we are made of. You already know where I came from and also know that these days seem more gloomy than bright. But this too shall pass. I am still fighting because you taught me how to fight. Your sweet little daughter gave me smiles when I was sad and broken. Remember the day you first came to me? The feeling of desperation you wrote about here was where I was. I had prayed so hard for God to send someone to help me get a grasp on life again. It took a while bit now I stand tall and stay fighting in my way with love and humbleness. If you need to talk I am always here for you. I love you and your sweet little family as my own. Life is good when we can see hope. Hope is the power of God to give us the light to see and live in peace with ourselves. I hope and pray this helps you my dear friend. God knows I would be devastated if not.

[Giggles]

Dean Thanks my friend but  I think we need to focus more on Thunder right now 

 

[BigPapaDean]

@Thunder I responded with the above post before I realized it wasn't who I thought it was, but that doesn't matter my friend. Giggles helped me when all I wanted to do was die. I was lost and wondering the streets because my life completely fell apart and I felt as tho there was nothing to live for. Now about 7-8 yrs later i have grand kids that adore me and family that don't want anything bad to happen to me. Here at XI we are all family even those that seem to dislike us. In the end we are all flesh and blood and need to feel loved and that life is worth living. I found all of this wonderfulness because I chose to fight and live. You can too.

[Guest FunkyJosh>XI<]

On 9/3/2020 at 2:42 PM, Thunder said:

Lost a brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Lost his oldest son to suicide 2 weeks ago. Sometimes when you are so beaten down and broken, you have to know when to quit trying to get back up and just stay down.

I really feel for you I’ve been reading the entire post but may I just say there is no quitting and staying down your stronger than that!!! Get yo ass back up but in your own time, take a break but please not your life it’s worth so much more than what you think right now, everyone of all ages weather their mental health is sustainable or really low go through bad times, lose the close ones it’s really sad and it does get you down, if you need an ear I’m here! We are all here, WE will get you through this but as I said in your own time. We all love you buddy

[Happy]

I get goosebumps reading al this above. What a warm family you all are! 

@Thunder, stay strong and take the hands that are reaching to you.

[Giggles]

@Happy as much as we fuss and fight as any family does . WE stand strongest together arms linked  to keep ANY one here alive !!  Thanks and welcome to the forums

[Giggles]

4 hours ago, BigPapaDean said:

My friend, there will always be struggles and there will always be bad times. This is how we measure ourselves for what we are made of. You already know where I came from and also know that these days seem more gloomy than bright. But this too shall pass. I am still fighting because you taught me how to fight. Your sweet little daughter gave me smiles when I was sad and broken. Remember the day you first came to me? The feeling of desperation you wrote about here was where I was. I had prayed so hard for God to send someone to help me get a grasp on life again. It took a while bit now I stand tall and stay fighting in my way with love and humbleness. If you need to talk I am always here for you. I love you and your sweet little family as my own. Life is good when we can see hope. Hope is the power of God to give us the light to see and live in peace with ourselves. I hope and pray this helps you my dear friend. God knows I would be devastated if not.

My Dearest friend you know full well I would do it again without thinking w/o question . I love you 4ever and a day !! I think we both pulled each other from a few ledges... We all of my being  you will always be a part of my family!! My kids still call you Uncle Dean  

[BigPapaDean]

This is for Angel!

Shelley Stovall

I can't remember my info to log in but please put in a word from me.

Tell this man no matter how beaten down you feel, how low u feel, how lonely u feel, you have a purpose in this world. Get down on your knees and find God! And if you don't believe in him, then hit them knees even faster and find him. There is hope, go find it. Call the suicide hotline or hit a member of XI up! XI is a group of folks who have been thru all kinds of stuff life has thrown at them, seek their help!!

I would share my testimony but yall know why God didnt let me go thru it. I didn't know it then but I was a mommy. In that darkness I found the light so don't give up till u find it!!

[crimson]

On 9/3/2020 at 8:44 PM, Thunder said:

For the doubters    https://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/local/cities/buford/deceased-man-found-at-buford-house-fire-died-of-self/article_cc4fd1b3-8440-5656-9f02-6fc68616fbbc.html 

@crimson

 

Thunder, (READ)

There are suicides everyday. I understand that things are tough on everybody, and not all paths align the same. To me, and this is advice I give to my children, and my friends. It takes more courage to move forward. It is more of a challenge to take steps to make things better, to mold your world the way you want it, than to quit. Quitters never win. Winners, never quit.  Make a goal everyday. Start with the attainable, and gradually challenge yourself in difficulty.  Don't get too down on yourself when you fail, accept that failure is part of everyone's journey. Failure is an opportunity to learn, and succeed next time.

I don't know why you pointed to a suicide in my hometown, but feels like your are reaching out. Reach within, be your own best friend, and soon, you'll find you have more friends than you ever dreamed of.

I've heard you complain of weight issues. Make a decision to fix that.  Get a fitbit, or some sort of step tracker, and some earbuds music (I like Spotify), and start walking everyday. Start with 7000 steps, and within 2-3 weeks, be at 10,000. Within 45 days work to 15,000. By 90 days be at 20,000. The lbs will fall off. Drink water. I've done these things and they served me well. I found I was at peace, and could think more clearly than I had in years. 1 hour a day, can make the other 23 worthwhile. And when I say take steps, I'm not talking about add all your steps in the day to get that number. I mean go out and walk for 45 minutes. Make that time yours and yours alone. No distractions. Then the rest of your steps during the day, are gravy. (Side note, mmmm gravy) When you get your metabolism going hard, you can eat whatever you want. And still lose weight.

Here's another goal. Be cool to people. Resist your impulse to insult, and instead challenge yourself to be nice. Swallow that anger, and turn it into a positive. This too will go a long way towards peace. (inner and outer peace)

These are things that work for me. Try them or don't. It's up to you to be the change. I wish you well. Give it a try. It works.

[Thunder]

That suicide was my brother 

Edited September 5, 2020 by Thunder