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An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula............. "Fuck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

Have a GREAT birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday!

Especially for @BUDMAN, XI mitts now on sale in the shop, proceeds to his nominated charity Alcoholics Anonymous, where he is a lifelong trustee.

LOL

XtremeIdiots would like to wish all members celebrating their birthday today a happy birthday. Scoarch (58)

Happy birthday

Aaah thanks all

Most excellent! lol

Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag Essie

Happy Birthday folks! Especially @Essssieeee who keeps our daytime play fun and seems to like me the most! lol

Happy Birthday! All The Best Esssieee, Esssieee

happy birthday all

I love Subway, I hear Queenies also fond of a 12 inch?? my favourites the gluten free 6 inch breakfast sub, never knew you could get Chinese subs though Pete??

What are you blabbering about Mike, they already opted for other countries cause we all know the Germans and Koreans make better thing then the US.. plus your subs are made from Chinese parts (lol) https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/carney-germany-trade-security-submarines-1.7617600

Have a GREAT birthday everyone!!!

Rob why is it that you always see 2 Nun's together ........to makes sure the other nun gets none

Training My Husband to Be Romantic#couple #relatable #couplegoals #couplecomedy #couplesoftiktok

but miss the fun of snow

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."