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How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way Instructions on how to clean your toilet 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog

How to Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers (if you can find them). Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed. How to Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting Way Hey!! Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one. Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Wash bollocks and the surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on soap. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Piss in shower. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel,grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterday's clothes.

Thanks everyone, he's a great man. Al we can do is see if this dialysis buys him a little more time. He still wants to stay around he loves the great granddaughters so much. He always loves the kids and the kids always love him. He is the last one of his of all his siblings. He is the only one who made it to 88. I believe on of his sisters lived to 82. We sure have been blessed to have him this long. Some folks tell nightmares about the Canadian health care but my family have had the greatest treatment. Yes we pay big taxes but in my eyes it's been worth it. Wayne

Cause sometimes.. I just like to stir the pot and rake in the points...

FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP..... 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, who cleans up and who has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women never meet each other.

You have far more likes than you asked for, why is this post not moved to a different thread??? You made the offer not those of us who clicked "Like" JUST SAYING

Well I hope things go well for him Weed and as others have said it's tough loosing a parent. I have lost both of mine but I think of them often and it's always good thoughts. Thinking of you and your family in these troubling times.

Thinking of you, your father and the rest of your family, @WeednFeed. I can tell you're as genuine as he is.

In memory of those that have fallen. I remember killa best as he would say I am going to get you little piggy!! So I am going to share things that have been shared with me from another member here and that member is T-Rat.

50 likes on my post and I will delete this thread

Just a quick note. I've been leaving in the middle of games lately. Both of My Parents are quite frail Mom is 85 and dad is 88. In the last 2 weeks My dad has been in the hospital twice. He has been in the hospital close to 30 times since totaling his car on, Dec 12. 2017. He suffers from Congestive Heart failure and Kidney failure both of these are directly related. It's been a long hard road for him over the last 15 plus years but the accident really played havoc with both of their health. It seems he will be going on Dialysis this week. We thought we were going to loose him last night. The reality is we will loose him sometime it might be days, weeks or months but it still hurts thinking about it. You see he is the most perfect father, loving, caring, compassionate, kind, strict, strong and god fearing. He loves all his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Last night I told him over FaceTime I loved him He told me he loves me and his family is his WHOLE WORLD. With Covid-19 I can not even go see him. Our area is in what they call code orange. So if you got a moment please think of him in your prayers if that is your thing, good vibes accepted as well. He would love that. If you love someone don't put it off tell them. Sorry for not being more attentive in game but I know you guys realize where priorities lie. Thanks Wayne

Hello, I seen that I was marked inactive, tho I'm not I was playing in freezetag servers 4 weeks ago and have been in teamspeak. Tho 3 weeks ago I got a infection in my leg called cellulitis which I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and another few days bed rest when I got home then right back to work. Just been a off year I had the covid virus 2 months before this so it's been rather tough on me. Sincerely, UCJOHN >XI<

Blinker fluids? Blinker fluids?? What are blinker fluids???

Dot dear turn OIL upside down

Two new variation of Poker you should try! Crazy Hold'em (Crazy Pineapple) and Telesina. The former is similar to Texas Hold'em but with 3 hole cards you'll need to discard one after post flop time. Telesina is a different style of stud poker and similar to 5 Card Stud but uses 32 card deck but one card is face down. Attached are screen shots I've made while playing! Telesina Hand Rankings Texas Hold'em Hand Rankings

XtremeIdiots would like to wish all members celebrating their birthday today a happy birthday. BoomSlang (65)hYst3r1a (31)STARPICKET (79)

so sorry to hear , take care of them

so sorry for you and your family . Hold on , and what only counts now is your loved ones and yourself , take care!!

Again thanks a bunch! Very much appreciate the prayers and kind words. he has his iPad with him that way he can contact us. That’s been a great tool to help stay in contact with him. I’ll be dropping off his sleep apnea machine this afternoon. Every time I drop something off the hospital has to disinfect everything. thanks again Wayne

Sorry to hear that @WeednFeed Dialysis is a good thing. I'm surprised they didn't offer it sooner. It will flush all of the nasty toxins out of his blood. It will also help Congestive Heart failure.

I'm very sorry to hear this Weed and I feel you... you and your family will be in my prayers. I lost my dad 35th years ago on Nov.27th... so many years, but still so very by my side all the time. Our parents are the so precious ! Talk to him as much as you can and tell him how much you love him.

I feel you. It's tough watching one's parents grow old, weak, & pass away.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sorry to hear that Bud! My best advice to people is to make sure he has a smart phone and charger so as to stay in touch!

You're welcome.

Non-sequitur? I can find myriad more important allocations for my limited minutes on this mortal coil. I caught it 10 months ago; watching the politicians use the subject as yet another political tool is yet another tedious banality & I'm far from interested in convincing anyone to have a particular view on any of various facets of the whole dumpster fire. No...just have better use for my time...(it's in limited supply.) As Floyd would say: '...shorter of breath, & one day closer to death!'

@Crack Fuking us all up when he smoking his shit hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! watch all of it u Fka

Sorry to hear this Weed - thoughts and prayers for you and yours

so sorry to hear,,thinking of you

Thoughts and prayers heading your way for you and your family.

Wow..soo sorry to hear this Weed.. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. Take care

Prayers and thoughts for your Dad, you and all your family. Lost my Dad Dec. 6, 1999, its tough still. Even if you can't see him, talk to him as much as you can.

I'm really glad you were with him. I know what you went through. We have had great talks too.

Lost my father last year in August, same situation minus the car wreck. My mother is not doing well and misses him every day. As do we. My father was a fantastic father too. My mother is too. But hang in there and we will definitely get the prayers out. Just enjoy what time you have left and keep in mind he is probably a little scared. I know my dad broke down and cried a few times with me, because he felt useless and was afraid. I was with my father when he passed. I had just told him I loved him, and that I would take care of mom and that he could let go. Told him I would see him soon. He passed a few minutes after.

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed). I especially like the last one!! 1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. 2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket. 8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? 9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilised. 11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!

wow that was a smack in the gob

Some of the pictures i have of Johnny DOS. I miss him dearly because he was one of the first I played against in XI. Was in the morning with the COD2. I was so glad to meet him in person because he was a al around great guy.

I'm crying now Haha get it? Cause the songs called Crying?

I may have already posted this I can't remember, but I'm feeling a little romantic today so shut up and let me have my moment.

It was the blonde asking if she could buy a 710 cap at the garage as she'd lost hers? OIL